i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
