I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think my moral compass just broke
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