Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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