Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
