Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize