ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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