i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
