please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
