Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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