Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
