my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
