don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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