Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
