I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
