I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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