Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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