She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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