I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
