I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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