Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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