Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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