Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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