My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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