the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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