I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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