I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
