Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
