Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
