did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
