I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
