Apparently you make a good broom.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
