youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
