you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
