yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
