He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships