If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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