the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.