He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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