I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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