where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE