I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm too high and old for this...