We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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