If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
