we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
should my penis look like a turkey
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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