my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
