That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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