Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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