out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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