My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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