so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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