We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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