Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
