I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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