awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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