So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
