Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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