I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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