im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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