Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
