so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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