Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
