I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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