You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
