You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
