I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
