I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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