Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
