**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
