is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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