I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
