all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize