3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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