Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Small penises have feelings too.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They took my balls.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
