i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
