i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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