Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
