My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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