Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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