I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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