I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
